I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
