I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
