thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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