Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
