she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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