she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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