I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
