I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize