we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
