just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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