Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
