Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
