Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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