I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
