I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
