yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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