New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
