so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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