We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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