hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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