My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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