dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
