dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
