ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
