i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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