He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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