My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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