my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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