Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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