Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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