I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
