Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
