just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize