By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
