I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
