i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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