some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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