Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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