4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
