I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
