New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
