Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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