I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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