I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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