brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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