I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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