dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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