jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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