glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
