I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
