I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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