i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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