somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
