And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
