First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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