god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have fence marks all over my body
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
