just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found puke in my bra..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
