He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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