Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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