i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
