Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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