Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
