It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
