I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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