Just mADE A PArabola og urine
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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