Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
