There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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